You claim Larry is stupid. . . .

And now, transition. This blog is the most disturbingly narcissistic thing I have seen come out of Moorpark in a very long time. To enumerate, let me use numbers.

1. IT IS A GOSSIP GIRL CLONE. Pop culture is a terrible pool from which to draw creative ideas. The idea of the Up In Flames blog is borrowed wholeheartedly from pop culture sources, most notably that of Gossip Girl, a horrible television show I hope never to see.

2. IT IS A FAILURE AT BEING A GOSSIP GIRL CLONE. Pop culture and reality hardly ever come full circle. Larry Lohan fails to achieve the ubiquity of the ideal Gossip Girl for reasons that follow.

3. HALF OF ITS "GOSSIP" IS RIPPED FROM LOCAL NEWSPAPERS. I'm sure anyone in Moorpark can vouch that our local newspapers are dry, boring reads with very little provoking information. But really, it can't be helped; our small and lame newspapers reflect our small and lame community. So the fact that Larry Lohan rips a good amount of his gossip from online archives of The Acorn (most notably its police blotter) and other local newspapers (without linking nor giving credit, though I'll withhold accusations of plagiarism due to Lohan's sheer idiocy) is wholly laughable. **AN EXCELLENT POINT. Thank you.

4. THE OTHER HALF REVOLVES AROUND THE SAME FIVE PEOPLE. It's pretty obvious that no one reads your blog when it appeals to an incredibly small niche audience, specifically Moorpark High '08-'09 students. That said, its readers submit information quite limited to other members of Up In Flames's readership. Going through the archive of the blog, the same few names and aliases appear frequently, rarely deviating from the set list of gossipped persons. It's hardly comprehensive.

5. IT HAS A PERVERTED VISION OF THE NORMATIVE. If there's anything I've learned from my first five months in college, it is that there is no such thing as the norm. That said, the fact that much of the "gossip" featured on Up In Flames largely focuses on activities and people usually described as straying from the norm is disheartening. I would assume that the premise of an omniscient "Gossip Girl" narrator who exposes the deviating activities of the élite only destroys any premise of normalcy. That said, that crossdressing, homosexuality, and nonconforming sexual relationships forms the basis of Larry Lohan's posts soundly defeats the purpose of societal deconstruction.

6. IT IS SELF-SERVING, SELF-PROMOTING, AND WHOLLY VAIN. Perhaps half of Lohan's posts self-promote, which is horribly narcissistic. It seems that more drama appearing on the blog comes from the existence of the blog itself than from legitimate gossip. Lohan is an unrelenting pillar of auto-fellatio, a self-serving, vain, grossly attention-seeking blogger. If anything, I pity Lohan's sincere, disgusting vanity.

All said and done, Larry Lohan can go suck it.


. . . .yet you clearly have the time in your day to write such a thorough analysis of this blog.
Just like all of my previous enemies, you publicly bash what L.L. is doing, yet I know for a fact you read every word I write.
Now stop bitching and go and wear your Hawaiian shirt.
You know you love me. :)
- Larry